Volume
2, Number 5, January 29,
2002
From
The Editor:
I have to renege on one
promise I made just after the new year - I just do not have the time to
upload
each
copy of The Arrow into Archives. With each upload I have to re-code quite a
bit of each copy and it's
very
time-consuming. If anyone would like to take over archiving The Arrow I'd be
more than happy to hand
The February 12th edition of The Arrow
will be a special Valentine's Day issue. We will be accepting
your
submissions for the following: since
Valentine's Day is a a day of love, The Arrow would like to publish
your
love notes and messages to someone
you may have a secret crush on from AIH. You don't have to sign
your
message if you're still too shy to
declare yourself. But this isn't exclusively a 'secret crush' edition,
everyone is
invited to send their special Valentine
wishes. You can send your V-Day wishes to the address above or to
GreyEyes'
a-mail on the site. Let's make this a
Valentine's Day we won't soon forget!
Question Of The Week:
This week's winner of QOTW is curlyben's wife!
Congratulations Laura and 200 A-Bucks is being transferred to your
account. 200 A-Bucks will also be deposited
into snowdemon's account for submitting this week's QOTW.
The Question:
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Ok you're gonna think
this morbid of me. I know but I want to hear from you guys out
there who are currently dealing with an illness or a disability. Has it
changed your life are you a different person from when you were first
diagnosed?
I'm not panicking about what the docs might find but I'm
not exactly over the moon either. My mum didn't help much, she just
started flaping about my dad's sister but I'd rather not go into
that.
Do you have to be a strong person to deal with a change that
you might have to live with forever?
Editor's Note - You
may view the answers and add your own thoughts to this question by
clicking on the question title above.
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Dilbert's Corner:
I would like to discuss amail
this week. I have seen several instances lately where amail has been posted in
a
question or sent to other
members. I would like to encourage members to take a look at site abuse
policies in
regards
to amails. It's a violation of site
policy to post the contents of an amail without express approval of both
members involved with that
amail. I won't go into particular incidents, but posting of amails are a
violation of site
policy and
will be address by the Membership Committee if there is a formal
complaint.
Oddly Enough - Reuters:
QUEBEC CITY - Nightclubbers in North America's
oldest city are being treated to a cool new place to hang out.
A Quebec City club owner unveiled on Thursday night what is claimed to be the first
``icecotheque'', or discotheque on ice.
The discotheque, which is made of 50,000 pounds
of ice, is located on the terrace of a trendy Quebec night club frequented by
a twenty and thirty something crowd. ``It is just the idea of having a drink inside an ice decor. It is
quite smashing,'' said Richard Samson, marketing director for the Maurice
Night Club on Friday.
The icecotheque, which features a disc jockey
four nights a week in a city known for its freezing weather but a vibrant
social scene, is open until late March and
will be used by international ice sculptors during Quebec City's upcoming
Winter Carnival. ``Hundreds of people
showed up last night and people stayed until 1 a.m.,'' Samson said.
Alcohol is served in ice glasses and a small
lighting system allows the temperature to be controlled, a contrast with the
sub-zero weather outside.
AIH Tips&Tricks:
There have been many questions regarding the blocking
feature on the site. The blocking feature was implemented as
a way of avoiding personal conflict between members. Once a member has been
blocked you will no longer be able to see anything that member asks, answers,
or posts on the A-Boards. That member will still be able to answer your
questions but you will not see their answers and they will be given an
automatic 2 star rating. One way of determining who has you blocked is to
click on their name and go to their Profile Page - if you are blocked by that
person you will see a message saying that this person has blocked you and you
will be unable to access their profile. If you wish, you can disable the block
feature by clicking 'List Controls' on your left and choosing 'Disable
Block-List' or 'Enable Block-List'.
Did You
Know...
That it's illegal to drink beer out of a
bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis? Or, if you counted 24
hours a day,
The
Target:
This
weeks targets are aDaisy475 and Blizzard!
aDaisy can be found in Sunny Shores when she isn't butt-deep in
paperwork
or
tossing fully loaded staplers out of office buildings. Blizzard calls
Yellowstone home for now and this newsletter has been
informed that he has a great thirst for the vodka. No sense asking, we never
reveal our sources.
aDaisy475
I was born of inauspicious means and
raised by chambermaids in a hostel. My family was believed to have been
traveling Romanian circus folk. In later years my search for them,
based on their cryptic entry in the hotel log "Harvenger Circus - 7
people.Extra bath towels" only led me to a
gravestone for a bear. The stone read "Wile the Bear - more than a
bear."
Leaving the hostel to attend college was a hard decision.
However the years I spent at higher institutions studying english literature proved to be wonderful learning experiences in
the ways of trading sexual favors for grades.The time I spent in
Professor
Bumpstein's laboratory while he studied the genetics of field mice and wheat
grasses still make me swoon.
From there I met Dr. Harsfeffor and went
off to live in his evil and secret lair. It turned out to be nothing more than
a beach house on a island in the south pacific. However he did have a small
army of evil followers bent on world domination. I mostly
watched tv and
played in the penguin petting zoo.
I met Millard Fillmore while at the
public library in Jackson, Mississippi this past summer. He was a ranting man
trying to learn to use the public computers to go on the internet. His sad
tale of government oppression and lost love caused me to take him in.
I
now live in Tampa Bay, Florida,
which is a medium nice city in the most beautiful state in the union.I have
two jobs that are in strict competition for driving me insane first. I have a
small and tasteful shrine built to Amy over my pc. In five years I
see
myself living in sunny Wiltshire with my boyfriend, writing the great
American novel, perfecting my lemon-ginger cookie recipe, and storming
duckponds with an unnamed snowey friend. I have an undying love for
post-modern American literature and coffee.
Blizzard
1.) What is the
one thing you do better than anyone else you know?
-Rob people at ATMs
-(Drink vodka)
2.) What was the
happiest moment in your life?
Before I died -- erm -- left South Africa, I threw a huge party
that was a major success. Everyone I loved was there and we danced and
sang and laughed and ate and drank, and
believe you me, it was classic. To this day we still kick back and remember
the good times.
3.) What is your ultimate job, and what is the
worst job you've ever done?
My worst job was working for the New Zealand
Natural Ice Cream shop. I spent 8 months there contemplating quitting
everyday, but my Asian boss couldn't speak English so I couldn't quit. In the
end I just stopped coming, and didn't return all the uniform he asked me to
wash... I donated it all to charity. My ultimate job would be a hotel owner, or an actor in
comedy or drama, or a singer/DJ 8.
4.) What accomplishment in your
life are you the most proud of?
That I've met the love of my
life at an early age, and that I have good logic with
relationships.
5.) Do you have a 'most embarrassing moment'?
I have many many embarrassing
moments. I still lie awake at night cringing. One I remember was when I was young I used to wear glasses, and I
signed up for swimming, and even though I was terrible, they decided to put me
on the team... because they were probably high on Windex. Anyways, I was
convinced that I looked to weird without my glasses, so I swam with them on
and all... Nowadays I don't wear glasses anymore, and I look just fine
^kinky^.
6.) What's your specialty in the
kitchen?
Omelettes! But my best for a
feast is: Roast lamb marinated in 'red wine and rosemary sauce', roasted on a
spit. I have my Aunt's recipe. She's gooood!
7.) What is you motto?
I have carried this saying from
my forefathers, and it is very dear to my heart... seriously now: The more
stupid people think you are, the more surprised they are when you kill
them.
8.) Do you know your next-door
neighbours' names?
Ummm... I like
to make up my own ones... "Jeeves, Harry, Conseltina, and Harrold"... No
wonder they've stopped coming to visit.
9.) What is the most important thing you've learned so
far?
That life is what you make of
it, Blizzard.
10.) What's the last non-fiction book you
read?
The Biggest Secret by David
Icke... I can't get over it. Read it!!! And ignore the parts about the
reptiles.
11.) Name a random act
of kindness you did for someone (that they never found out
about).
I had two very good friends
that both had the hots for each other, and so basically I did all the dirty
work, "He said you have the best calves he's ever seen"... "She says she wants
to lick your body passionately all over"... Next thing they're on top of each
other...
12.) Your favorite
sport: Would you rather A.) Play it. B) Watch it on TV. C) Be a spectator with
great seats.
-My favorite sport would be
cricket: B>>> my couch is much more comfortable. (Side note: I intend to have a shot at golf
(playing), and I used to play
tennis)
13.) A man has just
been rescued after 30 years on a deserted island where he has had absolutely
no contact with the outside world. You can tell him one thing. What would you
tell him?
Let's play: Who wants to be a
millionaire? (Freaky Music)...
"Welcome to the show
Bob"
"Thanks Blizzard, good to be
here"
"For one million dollars, which
famous US president choked on a Pretzel, was it:
A) Hillary Clinton, B)Mariah
Carey , C) Oprah Winfrey, or D) None of the above"
...Is that your final
answer?
14.) Happiness
is-------------.
my friend in South Africa.
Seriously. Her surname is Mafikeng.
15.) Do you have any hidden
talents?
I can lie like a dawg, and I
can tell when someone is lying. I'm also an excellent non-professional actor, and I
have "mechanical clairvoyance", meaning that I have a feel for certain things
and how to work them... e.g. whenever a drawer is stuck, I can unblock it
faster than everybody else, while others I know will just keep pulling until
something breaks.
16.) Describe your ideal
vacation.
I have always fantasized of
staying in a 4-star/5-star hotel, on the second-top floor, with the largest
suite, right by the city, but right by the beach, and going from the top floor
to the bottom floor in the elevator. Yes, some of us are still children
inside. I'd also love to go to Jamaica, and/or Russia with love.
17.) What kind of museums do you
like?
The ones with with free
cocktails and an all-you-can-eat buffet.
No seriously, I was riveted
with Leonardo Da Vinci, and I'd love to see museums for all the famous
inventors.
18.) What is it you would still
like to accomplish in life?
I'd like to fix up my health, and
earn lots of $$$ (ka-ching) to buy a beautiful town house in Johannesburg
South Africa (or alternatively in Cape Town). Then I'm gonna throw the best
damn party since my last one ;)
19.) What is your favourite part
of AIH? Your least favourite part?
The sense of community * The
harassers/whiners/moaners/abusers.
20.) What would you like to see
included in The Arrow?
The most fun/interesting
questions of the week
21.) Are you
single?
Sorry Greyeyes, Megan Mullally has
first dibs on me... you can see her here: http://evilanc.tripod.com/gfriend.html ..but I am open to casual--- ... drinks and coffee
22.) What song makes you happiest
the most?
Sunchyme by Dario G
Great Quotes? Who uttered this week's Great Quote?
Answer at the bottom of this newsletter.
"I wish you'd drop that "anyman" alias. That guy just burns
my butt with his continual Bible thumping stuff."
Useful Freebie:
This particular program may heve
been mentioned in a previous edition but it bears repeating. Ad-Aware is a free multi
spyware removal utility, that scans your memory, registry and hard drives for
known spyware components and lets you remove them safely.
Annoying and
sometimes damaging spyware and adware are sometimes bundled in program
downloads such as mp3 programs.
These little proggies install
themselves on your computer and can create havoc.
Ask
Uncle Millard,Part 1:
Flogo writes, Dear
Uncle Millard,
I suffer from megalopolis-myopia and have problems
differentiating between males and females even from a distance of only two
feet. Please advise as I have my face slapped once too many times.
Flogo
Dear Flogo,
I also suffer from this problem,
although mine tends to spring from a surfeit of Jack Daniels, whiteout
sniffing or plain indifference rather than myopia. I have come to treasure the
face slappings as often they are the only human contact I receive in a
fortnight. The best solution I have found is walking bent double; this doesn't
make it any easier to tell the men and women apart, but at least they slap
your butt rather than your face.
SamHill writes,
Dear Uncle Millard,
I don't remember any uncle Millard,
you must be an imposter! You're after my cheese, aren't you, you so called
'Uncle Millard'?! Well, you'll find my cheese drawer empty of cheese! In it's
place, I left an onion specked block of ketchup that I spray painted yellow!
How about that?
SamHill
Dear SamHill,
It was very tasty.
Have you got any more?
Elsa writes, Dear Uncle
Millard,
Why is the sky
blue?
Dear Elsa,
I didn't know it was. I only go out after
dark.
Melapa writes, Dear Uncle Millard,
I
organised an Irish AIH meet, invited everyone in Ireland to come, bought the
beer etc, but was left all on my own, why does my country hate me so
much??
Dear Melapa,
They did come. You just couldn't see
them because you were shut in the box under aDaisy's desk where she likes to
keep you. They drank all the beer and a cobbler from Clonakilty threw up in
your shoes. Watch out for them when Daisy lets you
out.
Branwyn writes, Dear Uncle Millard:
Why
*can't* the weatherman get the weather right? I mean, really. How can I dress
for the day when I'm told it will be snowing but it turns out to be a 50
degree (Farhenheit) day?
Dear Branwyn,
A bottle and a half
of absinthe mixed with vanilla extract and Brylcreem will leave you completely
impervious to the most extreme weather conditions. I very rarely wear pants,
so I should know.
Curlyben's Wife writes, Dear
Uncle Millard,
millie tell me you love
me...
Dear Curlyben's Wife,
Give me a pint of Southern
Comfort and it's a deal.
Msaligned writes, Dear
Uncle Millard,
I find myself in possession of an entire jar (less one teeny
tiny bit) of the abomination known as Marmite. What do you suggest I do with
it? I am afraid that the environmentalists will get on me unless I dispose of
it as toxic waste, but I don't have a license!
Dear MSaligned,
Mail your marmite to ashes13
immediately.
ashes13 writes, Dear uncle
Mills....
I am having a bit of a problem trying to get the love of
my life(although he doesn't know it yet!) to notice me:(
What can u
suggest?I've run out of ideas:( help!
Dear ashes13,
Take
off all your clothes and apply marmite liberally all over your body. Run up
and down your true love's street shouting his name at the top of your voice.
If this doesn't lure him out, sit on his doorstep and shout "Why don't you
want me?" through his letterbox for a week. Then boil his pet rabbit. You will
both live happily ever after.
AngelSong writes,
Dear Uncle Millard,
Why do so many people keep asking, "what's a huggle?"
It is such a simple concept. . . .
Dear AngelSong,
This
leaves me rather confused too. But keep them coming; you're the only person
who will huggle me without insisting that I go through an industrial car wash
first.
Ask Uncle Millard, Part Two
Ask Uncle Millard because love,
compassion and Jack Daniels make the world a better place
JC askes :
Dear Uncle
Millard,
Lately I've been
sending Daisy pictures of myself skydiving naked, taking whipped cream baths,
and throwing pudding
at mimes. I'm not
sure why I'm doing this. Often I'm so subtle and complex, even I can't fathom
my own motivations.
Could
you please give me some insight into what I hope to gain by doing this? Thank
you.
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Dear
JC,
Daisy is a twisted girl and I think she's convinced you that
you want to do this. You don't. This is for her own
personal pleasure and profit.
Though she is strangly entrancing, she only seems to be an enigma
wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in bacon. She is actually more like a cuban
sandwich, and we all know what
salami and pork can do and the
implications. Order the green salad and mail me the pictures
instead.
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Charlie on the
MTA asks:
Dear Uncle Millard,
How can the Patriots
possibly be a 14 point underdog for the SuperBowl? We just don't get any
respect.
Dear Charlie,
Let me sum up:
1.
Because they're not the Bucs.
2. Because they
suck.
Warmest regards,
Millie
Life Lesson of Uncle
Millard
Please never think that mixing furniture polish with
shoe polish on your turtle and sliding her across the
floor is a good
idea as she'll slip and smell for weeks and will stain the carpet and
eat your socks in
revenge.
Unsolicited Advice.
JC - No, really. Mail me the
pics.
Sn*****mon - Please stop mailing me old guava
paste and rubber erasers, I've said I was sorry.
Please
remember Thursday at midnight is the last you can enter your avatars to
win $10,000 abucks in my avatar contest. Check my profile for details.
Come On People! $10,000 abucks! Let's get
crackin!
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See
you next week. Sincerely, The Editorial Staff of AIH's The Arrow.
Copyright © 2002
TheArrow.
anyman uttered this week's Great
Quote!
You didn't really think I'd have used this
otherwise, did you? ;)
