Volume 2, Number 5, January 29, 2002
From The Editor:I have to renege on one promise I made just after the new year - I just do not have the time to uploadeach copy of The Arrow into Archives. With each upload I have to re-code quite a bit of each copy and it'svery time-consuming. If anyone would like to take over archiving The Arrow I'd be more than happy to handthat part over. Send me an a-mail or contact me at email@example.comThe February 12th edition of The Arrow will be a special Valentine's Day issue. We will be accepting yoursubmissions for the following: since Valentine's Day is a a day of love, The Arrow would like to publish yourlove notes and messages to someone you may have a secret crush on from AIH. You don't have to sign yourmessage if you're still too shy to declare yourself. But this isn't exclusively a 'secret crush' edition, everyone isinvited to send their special Valentine wishes. You can send your V-Day wishes to the address above or to GreyEyes'a-mail on the site. Let's make this a Valentine's Day we won't soon forget!
Ok you're gonna think this morbid of me. I know but I want to hear from you guys out there who are currently dealing with an illness or a disability. Has it changed your life are you a different person from when you were first diagnosed?
I'm not panicking about what the docs might find but I'm not exactly over the moon either. My mum didn't help much, she just started flaping about my dad's sister but I'd rather not go into that.
Do you have to be a strong person to deal with a change that you might have to live with forever?Editor's Note - You may view the answers and add your own thoughts to this question by clicking on the question title above.Dilbert's Corner:I would like to discuss amail this week. I have seen several instances lately where amail has been posted in aquestion or sent to other members. I would like to encourage members to take a look at site abuse policies inregards to amails. It's a violation of site policy to post the contents of an amail without express approval of bothmembers involved with that amail. I won't go into particular incidents, but posting of amails are a violation of sitepolicy and will be address by the Membership Committee if there is a formal complaint.
Oddly Enough - Reuters:
QUEBEC CITY - Nightclubbers in North America's oldest city are being treated to a cool new place to hang out. A Quebec City club owner unveiled on Thursday night what is claimed to be the first ``icecotheque'', or discotheque on ice.
The discotheque, which is made of 50,000 pounds of ice, is located on the terrace of a trendy Quebec night club frequented by a twenty and thirty something crowd. ``It is just the idea of having a drink inside an ice decor. It is quite smashing,'' said Richard Samson, marketing director for the Maurice Night Club on Friday.
The icecotheque, which features a disc jockey four nights a week in a city known for its freezing weather but a vibrant social scene, is open until late March and will be used by international ice sculptors during Quebec City's upcoming Winter Carnival. ``Hundreds of people showed up last night and people stayed until 1 a.m.,'' Samson said.
Alcohol is served in ice glasses and a small lighting system allows the temperature to be controlled, a contrast with the sub-zero weather outside.
There have been many questions regarding the blocking feature on the site. The blocking feature was implemented as a way of avoiding personal conflict between members. Once a member has been blocked you will no longer be able to see anything that member asks, answers, or posts on the A-Boards. That member will still be able to answer your questions but you will not see their answers and they will be given an automatic 2 star rating. One way of determining who has you blocked is to click on their name and go to their Profile Page - if you are blocked by that person you will see a message saying that this person has blocked you and you will be unable to access their profile. If you wish, you can disable the block feature by clicking 'List Controls' on your left and choosing 'Disable Block-List' or 'Enable Block-List'.
I was born of inauspicious means and raised by chambermaids in a hostel. My family was believed to have been traveling Romanian circus folk. In later years my search for them, based on their cryptic entry in the hotel log "Harvenger Circus - 7 people.Extra bath towels" only led me to a gravestone for a bear. The stone read "Wile the Bear - more than a bear."
Leaving the hostel to attend college was a hard decision. However the years I spent at higher institutions studying english literature proved to be wonderful learning experiences in the ways of trading sexual favors for grades.The time I spent in
Professor Bumpstein's laboratory while he studied the genetics of field mice and wheat grasses still make me swoon.
From there I met Dr. Harsfeffor and went off to live in his evil and secret lair. It turned out to be nothing more than a beach house on a island in the south pacific. However he did have a small army of evil followers bent on world domination. I mostly
watched tv and played in the penguin petting zoo.
I met Millard Fillmore while at the public library in Jackson, Mississippi this past summer. He was a ranting man trying to learn to use the public computers to go on the internet. His sad tale of government oppression and lost love caused me to take him in.
I now live in Tampa Bay, Florida, which is a medium nice city in the most beautiful state in the union.I have two jobs that are in strict competition for driving me insane first. I have a small and tasteful shrine built to Amy over my pc. In five years I see
myself living in sunny Wiltshire with my boyfriend, writing the great American novel, perfecting my lemon-ginger cookie recipe, and storming duckponds with an unnamed snowey friend. I have an undying love for post-modern American literature and coffee.
1.) What is the one thing you do better than anyone else you know?
-Rob people at ATMs
2.) What was the happiest moment in your life?
Before I died -- erm -- left South Africa, I threw a huge party that was a major success. Everyone I loved was there and we danced and sang and laughed and ate and drank, and believe you me, it was classic. To this day we still kick back and remember the good times.
3.) What is your ultimate job, and what is the worst job you've ever done?
My worst job was working for the New Zealand
Natural Ice Cream shop. I spent 8 months there contemplating quitting
everyday, but my Asian boss couldn't speak English so I couldn't quit. In the
end I just stopped coming, and didn't return all the uniform he asked me to
wash... I donated it all to charity. My ultimate job would be a hotel owner, or an actor in
comedy or drama, or a singer/DJ 8.
4.) What accomplishment in your life are you the most proud of?
That I've met the love of my life at an early age, and that I have good logic with relationships.
5.) Do you have a 'most embarrassing moment'?
I have many many embarrassing moments. I still lie awake at night cringing. One I remember was when I was young I used to wear glasses, and I signed up for swimming, and even though I was terrible, they decided to put me on the team... because they were probably high on Windex. Anyways, I was convinced that I looked to weird without my glasses, so I swam with them on and all... Nowadays I don't wear glasses anymore, and I look just fine ^kinky^.
6.) What's your specialty in the kitchen?
Omelettes! But my best for a feast is: Roast lamb marinated in 'red wine and rosemary sauce', roasted on a spit. I have my Aunt's recipe. She's gooood!
7.) What is you motto?
I have carried this saying from my forefathers, and it is very dear to my heart... seriously now: The more stupid people think you are, the more surprised they are when you kill them.
8.) Do you know your next-door neighbours' names?
Ummm... I like
to make up my own ones... "Jeeves, Harry, Conseltina, and Harrold"... No
wonder they've stopped coming to visit.
9.) What is the most important thing you've learned so far?
That life is what you make of it, Blizzard.
10.) What's the last non-fiction book you read?
The Biggest Secret by David Icke... I can't get over it. Read it!!! And ignore the parts about the reptiles.
11.) Name a random act of kindness you did for someone (that they never found out about).
I had two very good friends that both had the hots for each other, and so basically I did all the dirty work, "He said you have the best calves he's ever seen"... "She says she wants to lick your body passionately all over"... Next thing they're on top of each other...
12.) Your favorite sport: Would you rather A.) Play it. B) Watch it on TV. C) Be a spectator with great seats.
-My favorite sport would be cricket: B>>> my couch is much more comfortable. (Side note: I intend to have a shot at golf (playing), and I used to play tennis)
13.) A man has just been rescued after 30 years on a deserted island where he has had absolutely no contact with the outside world. You can tell him one thing. What would you tell him?
Let's play: Who wants to be a millionaire? (Freaky Music)...
"Welcome to the show Bob"
"Thanks Blizzard, good to be here"
"For one million dollars, which famous US president choked on a Pretzel, was it:
A) Hillary Clinton, B)Mariah Carey , C) Oprah Winfrey, or D) None of the above"
...Is that your final answer?
14.) Happiness is-------------.
my friend in South Africa. Seriously. Her surname is Mafikeng.
15.) Do you have any hidden talents?
I can lie like a dawg, and I can tell when someone is lying. I'm also an excellent non-professional actor, and I have "mechanical clairvoyance", meaning that I have a feel for certain things and how to work them... e.g. whenever a drawer is stuck, I can unblock it faster than everybody else, while others I know will just keep pulling until something breaks.
16.) Describe your ideal vacation.
I have always fantasized of staying in a 4-star/5-star hotel, on the second-top floor, with the largest suite, right by the city, but right by the beach, and going from the top floor to the bottom floor in the elevator. Yes, some of us are still children inside. I'd also love to go to Jamaica, and/or Russia with love.
17.) What kind of museums do you like?
The ones with with free cocktails and an all-you-can-eat buffet. No seriously, I was riveted with Leonardo Da Vinci, and I'd love to see museums for all the famous inventors.
18.) What is it you would still like to accomplish in life?
I'd like to fix up my health, and earn lots of $$$ (ka-ching) to buy a beautiful town house in Johannesburg South Africa (or alternatively in Cape Town). Then I'm gonna throw the best damn party since my last one ;)
19.) What is your favourite part of AIH? Your least favourite part?
The sense of community * The harassers/whiners/moaners/abusers.
20.) What would you like to see included in The Arrow?
The most fun/interesting questions of the week
21.) Are you single?
Sorry Greyeyes, Megan Mullally has first dibs on me... you can see her here: http://evilanc.tripod.com/gfriend.html ..but I am open to casual--- ... drinks and coffee
22.) What song makes you happiest the most?
Sunchyme by Dario G
Useful Freebie:This particular program may heve been mentioned in a previous edition but it bears repeating. Ad-Aware is a free multi spyware removal utility, that scans your memory, registry and hard drives for known spyware components and lets you remove them safely.
Annoying and sometimes damaging spyware and adware are sometimes bundled in program downloads such as mp3 programs.These little proggies install themselves on your computer and can create havoc.Ask Uncle Millard,Part 1:Flogo writes, Dear Uncle Millard,
I suffer from megalopolis-myopia and have problems differentiating between males and females even from a distance of only two feet. Please advise as I have my face slapped once too many times.
I also suffer from this problem, although mine tends to spring from a surfeit of Jack Daniels, whiteout sniffing or plain indifference rather than myopia. I have come to treasure the face slappings as often they are the only human contact I receive in a fortnight. The best solution I have found is walking bent double; this doesn't make it any easier to tell the men and women apart, but at least they slap your butt rather than your face.
SamHill writes, Dear Uncle Millard,I don't remember any uncle Millard, you must be an imposter! You're after my cheese, aren't you, you so called 'Uncle Millard'?! Well, you'll find my cheese drawer empty of cheese! In it's place, I left an onion specked block of ketchup that I spray painted yellow! How about that?
It was very tasty. Have you got any more?
Elsa writes, Dear Uncle Millard,Why is the sky blue?
I didn't know it was. I only go out after dark.
Melapa writes, Dear Uncle Millard,
I organised an Irish AIH meet, invited everyone in Ireland to come, bought the beer etc, but was left all on my own, why does my country hate me so much??
They did come. You just couldn't see them because you were shut in the box under aDaisy's desk where she likes to keep you. They drank all the beer and a cobbler from Clonakilty threw up in your shoes. Watch out for them when Daisy lets you out.
Branwyn writes, Dear Uncle Millard:
Why *can't* the weatherman get the weather right? I mean, really. How can I dress for the day when I'm told it will be snowing but it turns out to be a 50 degree (Farhenheit) day?
A bottle and a half of absinthe mixed with vanilla extract and Brylcreem will leave you completely impervious to the most extreme weather conditions. I very rarely wear pants, so I should know.
Curlyben's Wife writes, Dear Uncle Millard,millie tell me you love me...
Dear Curlyben's Wife,
Give me a pint of Southern Comfort and it's a deal.
Msaligned writes, Dear Uncle Millard,
I find myself in possession of an entire jar (less one teeny tiny bit) of the abomination known as Marmite. What do you suggest I do with it? I am afraid that the environmentalists will get on me unless I dispose of it as toxic waste, but I don't have a license!
Mail your marmite to ashes13 immediately.
ashes13 writes, Dear uncle Mills....I am having a bit of a problem trying to get the love of my life(although he doesn't know it yet!) to notice me:(
What can u suggest?I've run out of ideas:( help!
Take off all your clothes and apply marmite liberally all over your body. Run up and down your true love's street shouting his name at the top of your voice. If this doesn't lure him out, sit on his doorstep and shout "Why don't you want me?" through his letterbox for a week. Then boil his pet rabbit. You will both live happily ever after.
AngelSong writes, Dear Uncle Millard,
Why do so many people keep asking, "what's a huggle?" It is such a simple concept. . . .
This leaves me rather confused too. But keep them coming; you're the only person who will huggle me without insisting that I go through an industrial car wash first.
Ask Uncle Millard, Part Two
Ask Uncle Millard because love, compassion and Jack Daniels make the world a better place
JC askes :
Dear Uncle Millard,Lately I've been sending Daisy pictures of myself skydiving naked, taking whipped cream baths, and throwing puddingat mimes. I'm not sure why I'm doing this. Often I'm so subtle and complex, even I can't fathom my own motivations.Could you please give me some insight into what I hope to gain by doing this? Thank you.
Daisy is a twisted girl and I think she's convinced you that you want to do this. You don't. This is for her ownpersonal pleasure and profit. Though she is strangly entrancing, she only seems to be an enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in bacon. She is actually more like a cuban sandwich, and we all know what
salami and pork can do and the implications. Order the green salad and mail me the pictures instead.
Charlie on the MTA asks:
Dear Uncle Millard,
How can the Patriots possibly be a 14 point underdog for the SuperBowl? We just don't get any respect.
Let me sum up:
1. Because they're not the Bucs.
2. Because they suck.
Life Lesson of Uncle Millard
Please never think that mixing furniture polish with shoe polish on your turtle and sliding her across the
floor is a good idea as she'll slip and smell for weeks and will stain the carpet and eat your socks in
JC - No, really. Mail me the pics.
Sn*****mon - Please stop mailing me old guava paste and rubber erasers, I've said I was sorry.
Please remember Thursday at midnight is the last you can enter your avatars to win $10,000 abucks in my avatar contest. Check my profile for details. Come On People! $10,000 abucks! Let's get crackin!
See you next week. Sincerely, The Editorial Staff of AIH's The Arrow.
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